The different types of jeans

Most women, I believe, have three types of jeans:

• Fat girl jeans
• Every day jeans
• Skinny jeans

The fat girl jeans are for when you’re just feeling too large to function. You know the days I’m talking about. Three days before your period. Right after you’ve eaten 7 gallons of ice cream. When you’re feeling overall frumpy.

Every day jeans are for… well, for every day. You’re not feeling fat, you’re not feeling skinny, you’re just normal. Most of your days should fit into this category.

Skinny jeans are for when you’re a hot and sexy thang. You’re looking good, you’re feeling good, and the world should know it. You should not experience these days more than once a month. If you do, you are annoying.

So, my fat girl jeans simply cannot be worn anymore. I’m swimming in them. It looks like I’m four years old and wearing my father’s pants. I have to get rid of all of them.

My every day jeans have become my fat girl jeans, and my skinny jeans have become my every day jeans.

I need new skinny jeans. Luckily, I have a fourth category: the Lucky jeans. My normally-$100-but-purchased-on-Ebay-for-only-$18 Lucky jeans. I loved them when I first got them in November 2008, and I have been saving them since they stopped fitting in February 2009.

Ah, Lucky. How I’ve missed you. Let’s never fight again.

They are still a little tight. They are still REALLY tight. That’s ok. Sometimes love hurts.

How many categories of jeans do you have?